So .. I took a short break. I don't know if anyone of you noticed, but tiny LOC blog was shut down for a few days, which has never happened before - in three years! I am still not sure what I really want, but it felt so weird being back in Austria for ten days and it made me think a lot about my decisions, like moving to Berlin and doing this blog in general. If you follow my social media, you might have seen that I grew up on the countryside - it's all about hiking in the mountains and relaxing. I love it - don't get me wrong, but only every once in a while, since the people don't really care about fashion, stunning photography and breathtaking dresses (Elie Saab is killing it right now, don't you think?). Too superficial.
So whenever I'm here, I question my decision of working in the fashion industry which I decided at a tender age of thirteen. In the past three years I really found out that it takes a hell of a lot to get where I want to be, and I am still at the beginning.
"Let them party, while you work, the difference will show"
I see my girls at home planning their next vacation, partying, thinking about getting houses with their bf's and of course seeing their relatives every two weeks. In between there's me, getting all excited about shopping at the cloth store. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to stay in my comfort zone, get a good job and work on my personal luck, meaning, my own little family. But to be honest, this thought has never been enough for me anyway. I've never been single-minded when it comes to grades at school or uni, but my blog and my label-to-be are my babies and every once in a while I ask myself if I should accept that it is just not working the way I wished it would be. I wrote about this already a few months ago (head to toe black :: thoughts) but I guess being unsure about my blog, my job and my life in general will always stick with me, at least a little bit.
"I wonder what will happen, if I'd left this all behind"
I've read quite a few posts from other girls who are not sure about blogging anymore like Inner Conflicts - Goldschnee or Der Druck als Blogger - The limits of Control by Laura which made me realize that I am not the only one being absolutely crazy. These girls have amazing blogs and its always fun to read their stories, so why question it? When I shut down LOC my mum was the first to notice, of course. And even though I know my whole family as well as my friends are proud, I am not proud of myself. Until this girl came to me at this random party the other day, and she was just adorable. I had just been nagging about my stats, followers and how cooperating with companies got so stressful while working and being at uni when this girl just said she follows my journey and really loves seeing my updates. That was the moment (I was slightly drunk as well and just danced in the rain, so the whole day was pretty awesome).
"Exist to be happy and not to impress"
I guess I'll just have to be happy I get to have my own space and do my thing without receiving many negative comments. I get to do what I love on a daily basis, although it's stressing me out like hell, I would not want to miss it. I really tried to do NOTHING while I was at my parents place and I felt completely empty. Even now, I am in hospital because of an appendicitis, I am writing this article as I am so bored. I am already thinking about my new collection and new articles up here and sent my mum cloth shopping =D I am such a weirdo, but I love my work, and every once in a while I might have to remember myself that I should not stop until I'm proud and that I don't have to impress anyone, but me.